We are all creatures of nature. We are also creature of nurture. So here we go on the longest going darwinian argument ever…or getting into a pavlovian digression. We are people with different experiences and lives. I don’t believe for a second that the woman paying 50,000 dollars for a cloned pooch she had for years before is going to be the exact dog other in the physical form.. Why? Well that argument is obvious. Experiences. The sum of ones life is the experiences we have and endure. Why am I talking about this? It’s because I had lost touch with the reality that many people live with. The pain of loving someone who has interpreted their experiences in a different way than we have. We may be from the same ilk, the same genetic code, the same lifestyle..but those interesting little synaptic firings and our processing mechanisms totally make a mishmash of it. I think the closest one can get, and this is a leap, is in the case of twins. Perhaps they could process things similarly, but still…they are individuals (unless they are connected like simease which just makes this a really odd convo to have)
So here I am with this big deep intellectual conversation and still…what is my point. At some point we look at a situation and try to do our best to process what is right and what is wrong. But….it’s what our perception of it is. You can lead the horse to water..yadda yadda yadda. What I, we, you all have to realize is that we can only protect those who want to be protected. We can only advise when our advice is wanted. Too many times we find out, that we end up being “the problem” in the persons eyes. Just ask any rebellious teen about the iron hand of a parent. No one wants to be the asshole, but sometimes we have to be to keep back the shit. And to justify that descriptor I am going to elaborate. The “shit” that I speak of is the stuff we all have gone through and dont want the people we care about to have to experience, of if they must do it…not to get the peanuts and corn of bad shit.
I had the chance to witness this last night. A friend trying to protect someone, and in the end, feeling helpless because all the love and caring they were showing went on deaf ears and a searching heart. Alcohol is the great equalizer….the great empowerer…. envigorator of the spirit and…the anchor that will take you to the depths of your soul and leave you feeling like death himself just walked over your grave. So how does the pertain to nature and nurture? Well…my nature is to be a pretty mellow drinker–lovey dovey almost. I just want to have some fun…forget about life for a bit…and try not to get the anchor I spoke of earlier. I tend to hang with the same type of people, easy going…perhaps a little wild at times, but all in good fun. Each experience nurtures the next, it keeps it…enjoyable. I guess you could say…limited drama. Then there is the flip side of it…people who find someone else in the bottle. Sorta like that potion that Jekyll and Hyde took. Theres a point where the person changes into something unrecognizable in comparison to the one we know. I think we all have seen it one way or another. And thats what I saw last night, and no matter how much pleading and trying…you are not going to change them unless they want to. Until they look inside and see why all that anger and sadness boils over and comes out….usually in this beautiful train wreck mess…. and we are left to pick up the pieces of them. In the morning come the “sorryies” the ” I was drunks” and the ever popular ” I’m not drinking anymore”. These I have had, on occasion, to use myself. But soon enough….the beer flows, the vodka pours, the shots are consumed….and we find ourselves right back where we were…hoping that this time….this is gonna be the time that it doesn’t happen…but as much as we nurture….the nature of the person comes out.
So I say to you….persons who have travelled that path and come out stronger. Who know the depths of the bottle and the devils and angels that live within. I say to you, know that you can only chastise yourself so much. The choices of others are, their choices. Their experiences. Their lives. Until they want to change, until they take responsibility for their actions, it is a losing battle.
We are all searching…looking to fill something inside…the sadness comes when we don’t know what it is, cause we throw everything in that hole within trying to fill it. The only problem is that we are so desperate to feel loved, wanted, blah blah blah…that we don’t even care if we try to fill it with garbage….and more so…human garbage.
Thats all I got to say…
Dirty White Walls 
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